I'm still alive, why am I still alive?
Suicide Intervention#
Effective#
The first stop I went to was Shanghai, where a companion is about to embrace a new life, her life is about to begin anew.
I envy her. But I shouldn't envy her.
She intervened in my suicide, and the effect was remarkable in a short period of time, which was very useful and happy for her and others who care about me. In the short term, for me as well.
Ineffective#
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
it goes on.
— Robert Frost
"Life goes on," what a simple truth. It is useful to everyone who is alive.
But since the day I executed the suicide plan, I have never thought about life again.
So after receiving suicide intervention, I temporarily lived on due to emotional influence. But for me, the problem has just begun. I know what triggered the suicide, I cut it off, and I can no longer pretend not to see the elephant in the room.
So, suicide intervention, if only completing the first step, may satisfy the rescuer's self-satisfaction.
But solving the elephant in the room is not something an ordinary person can do.
My Elephant#
It is myself.
The emergence of suicidal intent is not only related to external pressure, and perhaps not even related to external pressure.
I think it's because I realized that my abilities were too weak, and I wanted to gracefully exit this game.
I can't give myself a more objective evaluation, nor can others. Those who know me are still surprised by my behavior, and in order to avoid triggering my suicidal behavior again, they will definitely conceal something. This is an unsolvable problem.
Others' Elephant#
Thanks to the prosperity of the clan where the older generation is located, I can see all kinds of people.
I saw his elephant.
He is good at studying, but only good at studying. After getting married and wanting to start a career, he failed. So he stayed at home, relying on his siblings to survive.
After all, who wants to see a lazy person, so he became the ostracized person in the family.
I don't see his elephant very clearly, at least I can be sure that those people in the older generation of the clan, they completely cannot see it.
Continue#
I'm not sure.
But I know what I don't want to become.
Thanks to the current internet environment, blogs have become a relatively private place for communication.
Pretty good.